Arguments & Marriage

Anyone will tell you that when you're married, arguments are inevitable. I argue with Adam almost daily, mostly about little things like taking out the trash, but sometimes over bigger stuff.

When I was 12, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My moods range from totally happy, to totally depressed and not much in between. It causes a lot of problems, so in my marriage, communication is one of the biggest things we focus on. 

A lot of times I freak out over the smallest issues, my mood escalates and I become REALLY bitchy. It's like pregnancy hormones, I guess, except I'm not pregnant and I have to deal with it on a daily basis! 

This causes us to argue maybe a bit more than your average married couple, but all in all, we make it work, because that's what marriage is about; standing beside each other no matter what, even if the other person is being a huge bitch! (guilty!!!) 

I make fun of it most of the time, but it's been a struggle for me as long as I can remember. It's hard for me to be happy sometimes, even when all is well. This is something that I have basically learned to deal with, not on my own, but with the help of my husband. 

Don't get me wrong. I love my life and everything about it, but I will always carry this around with me. 

It's sometimes hard to see everything around you that could have ever wanted and to KNOW that you are so blessed with it all yet to still feel like complete shit. It passes, but it comes back eventually and it's just a cycle that is never-ending.

I don't know what I would do if I didn't have Adam. I would be a much weaker person, that's for sure. I've learned, over the past three years, to NEVER go to bed angry at my husband. It's one of the worst things that you could possibly do. In fact, I normally never stay mad at him longer than a couple of hours. It's just not worth it! You're wasting time that you will never get back when you stay angry at someone.

I would like to say that my marriage is wonderfully perfect but that's not the case for any relationship. We argue. We yell and gripe and yes, occasionally throw a hairbrush haha. But, what matters is that we don't let stupid shit effect our marriage's core.

I've seen a lot of people my age get married and I've seen a lot of people my age go through divorces. In my opinion, divorce is never the answer unless abuse, cheating or anything like that is involved. If you're considering getting seperated/divorced ask yourself this, "Can I possibly forgive him/her for whatever it is they have done?" If the answer is yes, then divorce should be out of the question. If the answer is no, then STILL it should be given time and thought about from all angles. Think about all the reasons that you married that person in the first place. 

Vows mean something. They're not just words, they should become actions throughout your daily lives as a married couple. I guess a lot of people assume being married is all fun and games, all day, everyday, but that just isn't the case. There is so much that goes into it. I have never had to work at loving my husband but I have had to work to build a solid relationship with him built on trust, honesty and loyalty.

Underestimated

I guess some people might say that I have it easy, since I don't work at a "real job" like my husband, and I stay home most of the time. However, they don't see all the things that happen behind closed doors. 

There are a lot of struggles that play a huge part in growing up. Just because I don't make the majority of the income doesn't mean I don't have to worry about it as much as Adam. There are bills to pay; electric, water, gas, cable, internet, car insurance, rent. There's gas for the car, groceries, and usually once it's all said and done, there isn't much left for us to enjoy. Adam wouldn't be able to budget if his life depended on it! But that's life. I don't consider myself better than anyone else whatsoever. But I have learned lessons and been through things that a lot of people my age haven't, and I'm so so glad for that. 

Growing up I got what I wanted almost all of the time. I was an only child so I guess you could say that I was spoiled. I think a lot of people take that and assume that things are no different now that I'm married, but they are.  I jumped into a huge responsibility at such a young age, and that was marriage. Adam and I have been through so much more than people know or see because I don't let them. I don't normally like to make my life so public like that, but soon I'll post these blogs for everyone to see, and maybe it will help just one person realize that the real world isn't that they think it is. We struggled for three years to keep our heads above water financially and finally we are in a place where we can relax and enjoy life a little and not worry as much. It doesn't happen overnight. Getting comfortable takes time, at least for us it did. 

When you get married, you become a team, through thick and thin, good and bad, no matter what. You share pain, you share heartache, you share happiness and everything in between, not because you have to but because you want to. Even through the tough times, I have always considered myself blessed to have such an amazing husband. I couldn't imagine going through life without him beside me. Don't underestimate anyone because everyone is struggling; big or small, they're struggling somehow. Don't assume that what you see is all there is to it. There is always more to the story.

Living Up to Standards

I'm 21 years old and I got married two days after my 18th birthday. My husband and I met in high school in Algebra class. It wasn't really love at first sight, but it didn't take long for him to steal my heart. We only dated for 6 months before he proposed, and obviously, I said yes.


 So many people didn't support us, in fact, I could count on one hand the amount of people that took us seriously. People rolled their eyes and laughed when we told them we were engaged. They told us how stupid we were, that it would never last, all in all made fun of us. My mother-in-law was one of the biggest people against us, and though she basically hated me, she ended up letting me move in with her while we continued going to high school. Being engaged was supposed to be exciting; people are supposed to be supportive and happy for you. We never got to experience that, really. After the first couple of weeks, I dropped the subject completely. I wore my ring, but I stopped telling people. I was sick of getting lectured. 


A few months went by and in 2008 Adam graduated, and I was told by the principal that my grades were too low to even consider graduating with my class in 09. He suggested that I pursue my GED. At first I wasn't all that upset. I never pursued anything in my life as far as academics, and I never cared. Deep down I wanted to go to college, I just never had the motivation to do well in school. So I let it go. I let everything that I did do in high school go down the drain, and I dropped out. So here I was, 17 years old, an engaged, drop-out. My parents were sure proud! Nevertheless, I had Adam and I knew that was all I wanted and needed. 


Later, that winter, we moved into our very first apartment, which was basically a studio and it was remodeled from an old barn. Of course, we didn't care. We were just thrilled to be out on our own and have our own place together. He started working at KB Foods in Greensburg. I, however, put off getting a job. I mean, I was 17, I wanted to live and be young, not work at a job that I knew I would hate. I immediately fell into the "housewife" position. I took up cooking fairly quickly, though I do recall my first meal coming out a bit burnt. 


On March 16th, 2009, we woke up one morning and talked about when we were going to get married. We originally had wanted all of our friends and family to come to a wedding, reception, the whole ordeal, but the more we thought about it the more we realized, that those people hadn't supported us thus far, so why would they come to our wedding? Basically, we decided to get married soon, VERY soon, as in the next week. I had gotten my wedding dress a few months before hand, so with that, we decorated the church, invited family only, planned a small reception and on the 21st, I said "I do" to my best friend. 


We soon after moved to Rushville into a nicer one bedroom apartment while Adam continued working in Greensburg. Our rent was 450, which was reasonable but Adam didn't make enough money to support us both so I got a job at Denny's as a waitress. I actually enjoyed my job for the most part. I liked most of the people that I worked with, but the pay was shitty. It helped pay the bills, though. I ended up losing my job because of car problems and missing work, so here I was, again, jobless, and putting all the financial pressure on Adam, again. 


Living off 9 bucks an hour really hit us hard and us being so young and stupid, we didn't know how to budget or handle money so we had our priorities messed up pretty badly. We spent more money on eating out and shopping and rarely paid our rent or had food in the apartment. Our electric got shut off multiple times and eventually we just realized that we couldn't/wouldn't do it anymore so we moved in with Adam's cousin until we could get back on our feet. 


For the next couple of months we lived in the basement of Adam's cousins house. It was not the best situation but it helped us when we needed it. Soon, we found an apartment closer to Adam's job, in Greensburg. We moved in October of 2009. I loved this place. It was cute, homey, and affordable. Our budgeting still wasn't the greatest but it was much easier to figure things out since rent was so much less and Adam didn't waste so much gas going back and forth to work. 


I met my best friend a couple weeks after we had moved in. Her name is Casey. Her and her fiance and son moved in right next door and we almost immediately became friends. We would visit each other multiple times a day and talked constantly about anything and everything. 


In November we got our first puppy, Pittsburgh, who was a pain in the ass but so cute! Things were great but being young, and once again stupid, we wanted more, constantly wanted bigger and better things. SO! We moved, in May, to a super nice 2 bedroom apartment with a lake-view and at a price we definitely could not afford. There was some good news, though. I did end up getting my GED. I hadn't really planned on it but it was something that I could say I did. Sure, it's just a GED, most of you ready this probably graduated with your class, but I didn't, and getting my GED was the next best thing, at least for me. 


 We stayed there, though until November of that year when Adam got some bad news from work. He was told that they were laying people off and that he was going to be one of them, so like anyone would do, he found a new job, and once again, you guessed it, we moved, to Columbus, this time. 


He worked in Columbus for less than a month before he was laid off from that job, a week before Christmas. We were devastated and our only option was to move back in with Adam's mom, in Metamora. THIS BLEW so bad. His mom is one of the most controlling people you will ever meet. She hated me, and the feeling was more than mutual. Living there was impossible. Nothing we ever did was enough. I would cook for her, cleaned her house, did her laundry, did everything imaginable for this woman, but she never appreciated anything. 


In March of 2011, we moved in with some friends in Cincinnati. It was definitely a blast for the most part. Sure, there were the occasional arguments over dirty dishes, cleaning, etc, but we also had a lot of fun. In April, Adam got hired through SMX to work at Amazon.com in Hebron, KY. He was thrilled because he had been waiting for a few weeks to hear from them and finally did! After a while, Adam and I just wanted our own place, again. Living with 3 other people can be overwhelming! While we were looking for a place of our own, we actually lived in a motel. Not super proud of this, but he was working, we were saving money and we were getting by. 


It wasn't long though before we couldn't handle it anymore and moved back in with his mom, AGAIN. We move a lot, in case you missed that. ;) Aaaaaand we were there for, eh, a few months over the summer when FINALLY we found a place of our own...in Brookville. No, it's not super close to Hebron. In fact, it's about a 40 minute drive, but he makes it work. 


In October of last year he finally got hired on full-time. I was so thrilled and happy for him. We had recently purchased a new chevy cobalt. We loved it, and definitely needed it because our previous car was crap, for sure. We finally had a great car and we were really happy.
Later on that month, though, Adam flipped the car and totaled it. He walked in at 630 in the morning and I thought it was just another normal day and that he was coming in from work but he was covered in mud and dirt, he had scratches and dried up blood on his arms and legs. I was completely terrified. We took him to the hospital and the retarded doctors didn't do bloodwork, x-rays or anything like that, just looked at him and told him to take some tylonol and he went to work the next day.


In December I started working through Elance as a freelance blogger, writing about credit scores (boring!) and also fashion and clothing companies. It doesn't pay a ton but I love it a lot and it helps out so much. 


I don't care what people say about teenagers getting married. Sometimes it's right, sometimes it isn't, but isn't that with ANY marriage no matter how old you are? I didn't let anyone tell me I was too young. I didn't give a fuck what they thought. It's not their lives. It's mine, and I love it.


I love being a wife. I love decorating, cooking, baking, and everything that comes with it. I don't do everything up to everyone's standards because the only person that I need to make happy is my husband and myself. We've made a ton of mistakes over the past three years that we've been married, we're going to make a ton more, no doubt, but I'll learn from those just as much have I have learned from my past ones.