Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Just My Opinion
Hypocrisy is pretty common. In fact, I think everyone is a hypocrite to some extent. But when it gets to the point where you are living your life thinking that you know what's best, you know more than everyone else, or you're just annoying me with your "point", I'm going to speak up.
Firstly, let's just start talking about, oh, I don't know...marijuana. It's bad, right? It's a drug, it dangerous, it always lead to trouble, it's just this horrible thing. Can you name a few reasons why? It leads to other drugs? Actually, no, at least not in my opinion. Marijuana isn't like cocaine, heroine, or even pain pills that are both physically and mentally addictive. In fact, I don't think I've ever heard of anyone having withdraws from pot. Have you? Oh but it's bad for your. Maybe, but isn't eating fast food every day bad for you too? Isn't smoking a pack of cigarettes a day killing you quicker than smoking a joint every once a while is? Wait, wait, wait. I forgot. Weed is dangerous! But...then again, I've never heard of someone getting killed in a "high driving" accident. I've never heard of anyone lashing out and beating their kids, or having any of the same affects that alcohol does. So how is it we can throw 99 proof bottles of liquor on the shelves of every liquor store, but when it comes to smoking a PLANT, it's suddenly the worst thing imaginable. I'm not claiming to know everything that there is to know about this, but I think people should be aware that it isn't what everyone makes it out to be.
I find it pretty ridiculous that someone can't sit and enjoy something in the comfort and privacy of their own home without being criticized for it, yet there are people out there daily, killing others because they're too drunk to realize they shouldn't be driving.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
So Many Changes!
Over the past month, a TON of stuff has changed. For starters, we moved! This is definitely something that needed to happen for multiple reasons. Firstly, our old landlord was an idiot, Adam's now closer to work, and we get to live with one of our best friends. Win, win, win. Basically, the past month has thrown a billion stresses our way, but each one got resolved and I can honestly say that my life is a ton better than it has ever been.
We officially moved last Friday and I am SO happy to be out of Brookville, and I'm super stoked to see what this summer and the rest of the year brings.
We officially moved last Friday and I am SO happy to be out of Brookville, and I'm super stoked to see what this summer and the rest of the year brings.
Thursday, May 24, 2012
Movin On Up
All in all, my life isn't too exciting. Most of these blog will be about normal things like money, college, friends, etc. so if that stuff bores you, sorry boutcha, you can stop reading anytime you'd like :)
A lot of my friends are starting to look for their own places now that they have either graduated college or are just ready to get out on their own. I moved in with Adam when I was 17, we've lived in eight different apartments, and he's been through three different jobs. We made so many mistakes along the way, it's ridiculous.
Before you start to think that I'm trying to come off as high and mighty, a know-it-all, I'm not. I'm FAR from finished learning lessons about the real world, but I have learned a great deal in the past 4 years, things that if I could, I might re-do, but nonetheless, I've learned and become a better person for it.
When we got our first place, I didn't know anything about anything. Seriously. I was supposed to be a junior in high school but instead I was faced with huge responsibilities. I had no idea that so much effort went into being on your own. I sucked...SUCKED at budgeting, and at the time I didn't really think anything of it. He would get paid every week, we would eat out a lot, spend money on stupid stuff, and before we knew it, "whoops! His check was spent." We didn't save money for rent. We didn't save for groceries, bills, or really anything else.
When we got married a few months later, though, we started getting better at managing money and saving what we could. But still, we basically spent the first 3 years that we were together acting stupid and blowing money. We never had a plan.
It's mostly just been the last year that I have started to realize it's time to grow up and stop acting immature. You can't have everything you want. You have to sacrifice things in order to pay for other things. If it were up to me I would have sleeves, new furniture, a new car and a crap-ton of other stuff, but it's not going to happen right now, and probably not even in the near future. You'll learn to appreciate the little things that you have, your family, friends, just having a place to call your own is something to be proud of.
So, my advice to anyone who is about to move out on their own, or anyone who is planning on moving out on their own, you definitely need a plan. You need to save a good chunk of money for a deposit, usually anywhere from $500-$1500. Make sure that you or your spouse makes enough to be able to pay the rent, bills, utilities, gas, groceries, etc. Because if you don't, you'll end up regretting it REAL soon. Trust me.
I never listened to my parents when they told me how hard it is to manage money, and live on your own. Granted, I don't live by myself, obviously, but I sure as hell should have paid attention to the advice my mom and dad gave me 4 years ago so I could have prevented a lot of the crap we ended up going through.
Let's be real, though, no one wants to live with their parents. People either want to go to college, or travel or even settle down and start a family. But sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes I wish I would have given it a couple of years before getting our own place so that I could grow up a little first. But when you do move out, it's awesome, it's not all struggles and worrying about money. It really is fun. Especially when you really love where you live and you can turn it into a home.
A lot of my friends are starting to look for their own places now that they have either graduated college or are just ready to get out on their own. I moved in with Adam when I was 17, we've lived in eight different apartments, and he's been through three different jobs. We made so many mistakes along the way, it's ridiculous.
Before you start to think that I'm trying to come off as high and mighty, a know-it-all, I'm not. I'm FAR from finished learning lessons about the real world, but I have learned a great deal in the past 4 years, things that if I could, I might re-do, but nonetheless, I've learned and become a better person for it.
When we got our first place, I didn't know anything about anything. Seriously. I was supposed to be a junior in high school but instead I was faced with huge responsibilities. I had no idea that so much effort went into being on your own. I sucked...SUCKED at budgeting, and at the time I didn't really think anything of it. He would get paid every week, we would eat out a lot, spend money on stupid stuff, and before we knew it, "whoops! His check was spent." We didn't save money for rent. We didn't save for groceries, bills, or really anything else.
When we got married a few months later, though, we started getting better at managing money and saving what we could. But still, we basically spent the first 3 years that we were together acting stupid and blowing money. We never had a plan.
It's mostly just been the last year that I have started to realize it's time to grow up and stop acting immature. You can't have everything you want. You have to sacrifice things in order to pay for other things. If it were up to me I would have sleeves, new furniture, a new car and a crap-ton of other stuff, but it's not going to happen right now, and probably not even in the near future. You'll learn to appreciate the little things that you have, your family, friends, just having a place to call your own is something to be proud of.
So, my advice to anyone who is about to move out on their own, or anyone who is planning on moving out on their own, you definitely need a plan. You need to save a good chunk of money for a deposit, usually anywhere from $500-$1500. Make sure that you or your spouse makes enough to be able to pay the rent, bills, utilities, gas, groceries, etc. Because if you don't, you'll end up regretting it REAL soon. Trust me.
I never listened to my parents when they told me how hard it is to manage money, and live on your own. Granted, I don't live by myself, obviously, but I sure as hell should have paid attention to the advice my mom and dad gave me 4 years ago so I could have prevented a lot of the crap we ended up going through.
Let's be real, though, no one wants to live with their parents. People either want to go to college, or travel or even settle down and start a family. But sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes I wish I would have given it a couple of years before getting our own place so that I could grow up a little first. But when you do move out, it's awesome, it's not all struggles and worrying about money. It really is fun. Especially when you really love where you live and you can turn it into a home.
“Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.”
Why is it so hard for people to just accept you for who you
are instead of constantly criticizing not only you, but basically everything
that you believe in.
I’ve spent my whole life trying my best to not judge anyone
when it comes to their beliefs, and I’m not going to start now. It’d just be
nice to get the same in return.
I honestly don’t care what you believe. Whether you’re for or
against abortion, gay marriage, whether you’re a Christian, agnostic, or any
other religion out there. I don’t think that those things determine 100% who we
are as people.
I think it’s more
personal than anything else. But when it comes down to it, a Christian and an
atheist can be best friends. Religion, personal beliefs, etc. doesn’t need to
be brought into a friendship if you don’t want it to. Friends are people that
you can have fun with, that you can confide in when you’re struggling; someone
who will be there to laugh with you, cry with you.
Why does our country
divide themselves based solely on religion? We’re all human. We all believe in
something differently. If we take a microscope and look at how different we all
really are, then everyone would probably hate each other but that's not how it's supposed to be, yet that's the way it seems to be these days.
I constantly see statuses on facebook about religion,
bashing Christianity, bashing beliefs.
And it’s not just that but Christians do it, too. Or at
least people claiming to be.
The website
godhatesfags.com---I couldn’t believe what I was seeing when I saw that
website. It’s sickening to think that these people claim to be Christians, when
Christians should be non-judgmental, loving, forgiving. They represent none of
that.
Everyone is free to believe in whatever they want. I’m just
sick of people taking that right and using it to belittle other people.
“Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.”
It’s as simple as that. You can stand up for what you
believe in without being judgmental against people who don’t believe the same
things.
Wednesday, May 16, 2012
Not Cut Out For This
I've never had a ton of close friends, so for the past 5 years I've grown used to doing everything with Adam. I don't usually get invited to go out and do things. Not really sure why, I guess people just assume that since I'm married, I don't want to go out and have fun, which obviously isn't the case.
I've been to a total of maybe 3 parties in my whole life and I'm fine with that but at the same time, in the past 6 months, I've only gone out with friends a few times. So sometimes I think maybe I'm not cut out for this; maybe I'm just better off accepting that the fact that I only have a few friends isn't going to change.
Getting to the point, though, I'm just like anyone else. I like to have fun. Maybe my idea of fun isn't the same as everyone else's and maybe I just need to find some friends who enjoy doing the same stuff that I do and who aren't going to hesitate before inviting me to hang out with them. Like anyone else, I want to be included in my friends life, not when its just convenient for them. I want to be acknowledged which I'm pretty sure is all anyone has ever wanted.
I've been to a total of maybe 3 parties in my whole life and I'm fine with that but at the same time, in the past 6 months, I've only gone out with friends a few times. So sometimes I think maybe I'm not cut out for this; maybe I'm just better off accepting that the fact that I only have a few friends isn't going to change.
Getting to the point, though, I'm just like anyone else. I like to have fun. Maybe my idea of fun isn't the same as everyone else's and maybe I just need to find some friends who enjoy doing the same stuff that I do and who aren't going to hesitate before inviting me to hang out with them. Like anyone else, I want to be included in my friends life, not when its just convenient for them. I want to be acknowledged which I'm pretty sure is all anyone has ever wanted.
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Mother's Day
With it being Mother's Day and all, obviously today most people are thinking of that special person in their life; mom!
My mom is one of the strongest people that I have ever met. She did an amazing job raising me, despite my stubbornness as a teenager, and has always been there for me through all the struggles life as thrown at me.
She's been there to give me advice and listen to all my problems. She's talked to me about anything and everything and has the best sense of humor in the world and can always make me laugh. We don't always get along but she always forgives me for being cranky and sometimes even downright mean.
I will always be proud to call her my mom, and I hope that someday I can be as good of a mother to my children as my mom was and is to me!
Friday, May 4, 2012
Goals
When Adam and I got our own place when I was only 17, I made a choice then to not work. I chose to stay home and be the best fiance that I could. And when we got married in 2009, I chose to continue staying home and be the best wife that I could. I have heard hundreds of times that I am lazy, married Adam so I wouldn't have to work, I'm just using him. Please. If I was going to marry someone for money, it wouldn't be someone who makes 12 bucks an hour at Amazon. haha
We don't have kids. I'm not a super busy person running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I don't struggle to keep my house clean, or keep up with things around the house but I do my part in my marriage and I make my husband proud, just as he makes me proud. I cook, I clean, and take care of the finances. This has always been, not only my choice, but Adam's, as well.
In October of last year, I got a job on Elance. I didn't love it but I didn't hate it, either. It only paid 290 a week and I worked my ass off, writing 10 blogs a day, each 600 words, each, on credit repair. Yes, credit repair. 70 blogs a week on just one subject is tough but I managed to do it and finally my boss gave me a much easier topic to work with and a much easier schedule; fashion and I only have to write 20 blogs a week but the pay is a lot less at only $70-$90 a week. I definitely find this a lot easier to balance.
Obviously I don't plan to go my whole life not working at a "real" job. The main reason I never started working in the first place was because I didn't want work to consume my life, especially if I'm not doing something that I truly love. SO! I decided to go back to school for Interior Design. It's something that I have been interested in for the past 6 years and I am sooo ready to pursue it and give it my all. And I'm so proud of Adam for recently deciding to go back to school for audio engineering.
In five years, I plan to hopefully be graduated and working as an Interior Designer. I hope to have a kid by then and be settled down wherever life takes us. I also hope that by then I can look back on all the struggles and be proud of how far we have come.
So don't judge me if you don't know the whole situation. I have goals just like anyone else. I'm not planning on living out my days and becoming a crazy cat lady XD. I love my husband very much and would never make any choices that he wasn't happy with. It's our marriage, our life and as long as we're happy with it, everyone else can say what they want :)
We don't have kids. I'm not a super busy person running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I don't struggle to keep my house clean, or keep up with things around the house but I do my part in my marriage and I make my husband proud, just as he makes me proud. I cook, I clean, and take care of the finances. This has always been, not only my choice, but Adam's, as well.
In October of last year, I got a job on Elance. I didn't love it but I didn't hate it, either. It only paid 290 a week and I worked my ass off, writing 10 blogs a day, each 600 words, each, on credit repair. Yes, credit repair. 70 blogs a week on just one subject is tough but I managed to do it and finally my boss gave me a much easier topic to work with and a much easier schedule; fashion and I only have to write 20 blogs a week but the pay is a lot less at only $70-$90 a week. I definitely find this a lot easier to balance.
Obviously I don't plan to go my whole life not working at a "real" job. The main reason I never started working in the first place was because I didn't want work to consume my life, especially if I'm not doing something that I truly love. SO! I decided to go back to school for Interior Design. It's something that I have been interested in for the past 6 years and I am sooo ready to pursue it and give it my all. And I'm so proud of Adam for recently deciding to go back to school for audio engineering.
In five years, I plan to hopefully be graduated and working as an Interior Designer. I hope to have a kid by then and be settled down wherever life takes us. I also hope that by then I can look back on all the struggles and be proud of how far we have come.
So don't judge me if you don't know the whole situation. I have goals just like anyone else. I'm not planning on living out my days and becoming a crazy cat lady XD. I love my husband very much and would never make any choices that he wasn't happy with. It's our marriage, our life and as long as we're happy with it, everyone else can say what they want :)
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
Too Blessed to Be Stressed
A lot of times I find myself worrying about anything and everything. I often have to remind myself how blessed I truly am. My life is so far from perfect. There is a lot of things that I am looking forward too that I wish would come sooner but I'm learning to be patient.
I think if we all stopped and looked around at everything we have, we wouldn't complain so much over stupid crap. I love the quote, "Somewhere, there is someone who is happier with less than what you have." You can always have more, always. But if you don't appreciate the bigger things in life like your spouse, family and friends, then you will never truly find happiness. It's sad to think, though, that to some those are the small things and that too many people thrive on money and material objects.
Be grateful for the little things; having a place to live, whether it's a place of your own, with your parents or even on a friend's couch. Be glad you have food to eat and clean water to drink, and clothes on your back. Those things alone are necessities that too many people go without in the world.
Adam and I lived in a motel for two months last summer. Definitely not something we planned but nonetheless we were grateful to have a bed to sleep in every night and we got through it and made it work for the time being. It's something I try to remember when I find myself being ungrateful for what I have.
I think if we all stopped and looked around at everything we have, we wouldn't complain so much over stupid crap. I love the quote, "Somewhere, there is someone who is happier with less than what you have." You can always have more, always. But if you don't appreciate the bigger things in life like your spouse, family and friends, then you will never truly find happiness. It's sad to think, though, that to some those are the small things and that too many people thrive on money and material objects.
Be grateful for the little things; having a place to live, whether it's a place of your own, with your parents or even on a friend's couch. Be glad you have food to eat and clean water to drink, and clothes on your back. Those things alone are necessities that too many people go without in the world.
Adam and I lived in a motel for two months last summer. Definitely not something we planned but nonetheless we were grateful to have a bed to sleep in every night and we got through it and made it work for the time being. It's something I try to remember when I find myself being ungrateful for what I have.
We Live by Faith, Not by Sight.
Religion...It's something a lot of people don't like to talk about. Why? Probably because they're afraid they will be judged, made fun of, or like me, they just don't want to cause conflict. Religion is a big deal to me and I'm ashamed to say that I don't talk about it much. Before you continue reading, remember this; I have many friends who believe something much different than myself or perhaps just don't believe in anything at all. I never have and never will judge anyone for what they believe because I think that's a huge reason why people are so turned off by Christianity. They continue to get judged and ridiculed for simply believing in something else, and that's not right at all.
As I had mentioned in a previous post, my dad is a preacher and has been since before I was born. I won't get into a lot of how my childhood was because it involves people that probably don't want to be mentioned. However, I will tell you this. It was far from enjoyable. I went through a lot as a child and a lot that I will carry with me throughout life.
I had a jaded perception of what Christianity was truly about. I was always under the assumption that in order to have a relationship with God, you had to go to church every week, you couldn't sin, you couldn't have fun, and you couldn't do anything that didn't have to do with God.
So many people that I know also have this same assumption, perhaps, or one similar to it. They don't want to hear about God, or religion, or praying or going to church. But, if you'll take the time to read this...this blog post that no one is forcing you to read, maybe you will see the bigger picture. I have said many many times that I don't shove my beliefs onto anyone. But I will share my beliefs to anyone willing to listen.
Being a Christian isn't about being perfect. Jesus died on the cross for our sins, not perfection. It is expected of us to sin and to make mistakes. The difference is, we're forgiven for those sins once we chose to let that happen and by letting that happen I mean having a relationship with God. God created you. "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13 That's pretty amazing, if you ask me. To know that you were destined to be.
Being a Christian is all about having a close relationship with your creator. It has nothing to do with being perfect. It has nothing to do with going to church every week. It has nothing to do with anything but being loved. It's that simple, but that's also what makes it so complicating, too. There are questions that go along with that, that sometimes can't be answered. But that's where faith comes in. "We live by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7 Sometimes faith is all we have, and for me, it's all that I need.
I guess having a relationship with God isn't something that can be explained. If it were, than everyone would believe, right? It's something that can't be physically felt, heard or seen. But it's what I believe.
As I had mentioned in a previous post, my dad is a preacher and has been since before I was born. I won't get into a lot of how my childhood was because it involves people that probably don't want to be mentioned. However, I will tell you this. It was far from enjoyable. I went through a lot as a child and a lot that I will carry with me throughout life.
I had a jaded perception of what Christianity was truly about. I was always under the assumption that in order to have a relationship with God, you had to go to church every week, you couldn't sin, you couldn't have fun, and you couldn't do anything that didn't have to do with God.
So many people that I know also have this same assumption, perhaps, or one similar to it. They don't want to hear about God, or religion, or praying or going to church. But, if you'll take the time to read this...this blog post that no one is forcing you to read, maybe you will see the bigger picture. I have said many many times that I don't shove my beliefs onto anyone. But I will share my beliefs to anyone willing to listen.
Being a Christian isn't about being perfect. Jesus died on the cross for our sins, not perfection. It is expected of us to sin and to make mistakes. The difference is, we're forgiven for those sins once we chose to let that happen and by letting that happen I mean having a relationship with God. God created you. "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13 That's pretty amazing, if you ask me. To know that you were destined to be.
Being a Christian is all about having a close relationship with your creator. It has nothing to do with being perfect. It has nothing to do with going to church every week. It has nothing to do with anything but being loved. It's that simple, but that's also what makes it so complicating, too. There are questions that go along with that, that sometimes can't be answered. But that's where faith comes in. "We live by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7 Sometimes faith is all we have, and for me, it's all that I need.
I guess having a relationship with God isn't something that can be explained. If it were, than everyone would believe, right? It's something that can't be physically felt, heard or seen. But it's what I believe.
Instant Gratification
We all want something, whether it's a new car, a new house, or something deeper like a relationship or a family, even.
I have learned the hard way, that you can't get what you want, when you want it all the time. When we got married in 2009, I knew things wouldn't be easy but I never dreamed they would be this tough and that we would have so many struggles in such a small amount of time.
We wanted what we wanted and we wanted it instantly. We have moved a lot in the past 3 years, mostly because we were forced to since we got ourselves into more than we could handle, like rent that we couldn't afford. I pray that my friends who are newly married or about to move out on their own don't make that same mistake. It's easy to see other's mistakes when you are sitting on the bench, but once you're in the game, you'll realize it's a lot harder than you had originally thought, at least that was the case for us.
In November of 2009 Adam and I started trying for a baby. I was only 18 and he was only 20, but it was (and is) what we wanted. We tried for a year until finally in November of 2010, almost exactly a year later, I felt sick one morning so I took a pregnancy test and it was very faintly pink. I didn't think much of it, just assumed I was seeing things, so the next morning we bought a digital test, and I remember I was so freaked out, I didn't want to look at it, so Adam did and sure enough it said "pregnant." I was more thrilled and excited than I had even been in my life. I couldn't really let myself believe it so I bought 6 more tests, just to make sure ( all of which were positive) I called my dr., set up an appointment and started taking my prenatal vitamins.
This was on a Sunday. That Thursday was Thanksgiving and Adam and I, along with my mom and step-dad were going to my aunt and uncles in Oklahoma for the holidays. I was so happy. I had waited a whole year for this and I could celebrate it on Thanksgiving.
On Thanksgiving morning I noticed that I was bleeding (Sorry TMI!) It wasn't bad so I brushed it off, but once we got on the road and were about to St. Louis I started cramping pretty badly and bleeding even more now, like a period. I stopped and got all the necessities and we were on our way again. I tried to tell myself that it was ok, that I was pregnant, I had 8 tests to confirm it, 4 of which were digital. But as the day progressed, nothing changed. I couldn't tell Adam what was happening, he seemed more excited than I did about all of this. I didn't want to crush him like it was crushing me. That night we ate dinner, I played "happy" and Adam and I went to bed. I told him I didn't think I was pregnant, and I told him that I didn't want us to get upset. I didn't want it to be made into a huge ordeal. So we left it at that, the next day I bought a pregnancy test and it was negative.
I didn't allow myself to feel sad or angry or upset. I honestly had no clue what had happened, and I just assumed that all those pregnancy tests were false positives. Surprisingly, I did have a good week. Like I said, I didn't let myself get upset because I knew if I did, it would be ugly.
When I got back home I called my dr. and soon found out that I most likely had what's called a chemical pregnancy.
I was upset that this had happened but I also realized I had so many other things to be thankful for that Thanksgiving. Little things, like having a place to live, food to eat and a wonderful husband to love me.
Obviously it's been almost another two years now and still no baby. But I learned that day that things don't happen like you plan. I'm only 21 years old. An age where most people are still in college and getting there life together and an age where most people haven't yet settled down and gotten married.
I'm in no rush, anymore. I know that God will allow it to happen when it's meant to happen.
I have learned the hard way, that you can't get what you want, when you want it all the time. When we got married in 2009, I knew things wouldn't be easy but I never dreamed they would be this tough and that we would have so many struggles in such a small amount of time.
We wanted what we wanted and we wanted it instantly. We have moved a lot in the past 3 years, mostly because we were forced to since we got ourselves into more than we could handle, like rent that we couldn't afford. I pray that my friends who are newly married or about to move out on their own don't make that same mistake. It's easy to see other's mistakes when you are sitting on the bench, but once you're in the game, you'll realize it's a lot harder than you had originally thought, at least that was the case for us.
In November of 2009 Adam and I started trying for a baby. I was only 18 and he was only 20, but it was (and is) what we wanted. We tried for a year until finally in November of 2010, almost exactly a year later, I felt sick one morning so I took a pregnancy test and it was very faintly pink. I didn't think much of it, just assumed I was seeing things, so the next morning we bought a digital test, and I remember I was so freaked out, I didn't want to look at it, so Adam did and sure enough it said "pregnant." I was more thrilled and excited than I had even been in my life. I couldn't really let myself believe it so I bought 6 more tests, just to make sure ( all of which were positive) I called my dr., set up an appointment and started taking my prenatal vitamins.
This was on a Sunday. That Thursday was Thanksgiving and Adam and I, along with my mom and step-dad were going to my aunt and uncles in Oklahoma for the holidays. I was so happy. I had waited a whole year for this and I could celebrate it on Thanksgiving.
On Thanksgiving morning I noticed that I was bleeding (Sorry TMI!) It wasn't bad so I brushed it off, but once we got on the road and were about to St. Louis I started cramping pretty badly and bleeding even more now, like a period. I stopped and got all the necessities and we were on our way again. I tried to tell myself that it was ok, that I was pregnant, I had 8 tests to confirm it, 4 of which were digital. But as the day progressed, nothing changed. I couldn't tell Adam what was happening, he seemed more excited than I did about all of this. I didn't want to crush him like it was crushing me. That night we ate dinner, I played "happy" and Adam and I went to bed. I told him I didn't think I was pregnant, and I told him that I didn't want us to get upset. I didn't want it to be made into a huge ordeal. So we left it at that, the next day I bought a pregnancy test and it was negative.
I didn't allow myself to feel sad or angry or upset. I honestly had no clue what had happened, and I just assumed that all those pregnancy tests were false positives. Surprisingly, I did have a good week. Like I said, I didn't let myself get upset because I knew if I did, it would be ugly.
When I got back home I called my dr. and soon found out that I most likely had what's called a chemical pregnancy.
"A chemical pregnancy is a clinical term used for a very early miscarriage In many cases, the positive pregnancy test was achieved before the woman's period was due but a miscarriage occurred before a heartbeat was able to be seen on an ultrasound."
Most people would say that I was never really pregnant physically, but I was definitely mentally and emotionally.
Obviously it's been almost another two years now and still no baby. But I learned that day that things don't happen like you plan. I'm only 21 years old. An age where most people are still in college and getting there life together and an age where most people haven't yet settled down and gotten married.
I'm in no rush, anymore. I know that God will allow it to happen when it's meant to happen.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Arguments & Marriage
Anyone will tell you that when you're married, arguments are inevitable. I argue with Adam almost daily, mostly about little things like taking out the trash, but sometimes over bigger stuff.
When I was 12, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. My moods range from totally happy, to totally depressed and not much in between. It causes a lot of problems, so in my marriage, communication is one of the biggest things we focus on.
A lot of times I freak out over the smallest issues, my mood escalates and I become REALLY bitchy. It's like pregnancy hormones, I guess, except I'm not pregnant and I have to deal with it on a daily basis!
This causes us to argue maybe a bit more than your average married couple, but all in all, we make it work, because that's what marriage is about; standing beside each other no matter what, even if the other person is being a huge bitch! (guilty!!!)
I make fun of it most of the time, but it's been a struggle for me as long as I can remember. It's hard for me to be happy sometimes, even when all is well. This is something that I have basically learned to deal with, not on my own, but with the help of my husband.
Don't get me wrong. I love my life and everything about it, but I will always carry this around with me.
It's sometimes hard to see everything around you that could have ever wanted and to KNOW that you are so blessed with it all yet to still feel like complete shit. It passes, but it comes back eventually and it's just a cycle that is never-ending.
I don't know what I would do if I didn't have Adam. I would be a much weaker person, that's for sure. I've learned, over the past three years, to NEVER go to bed angry at my husband. It's one of the worst things that you could possibly do. In fact, I normally never stay mad at him longer than a couple of hours. It's just not worth it! You're wasting time that you will never get back when you stay angry at someone.
I would like to say that my marriage is wonderfully perfect but that's not the case for any relationship. We argue. We yell and gripe and yes, occasionally throw a hairbrush haha. But, what matters is that we don't let stupid shit effect our marriage's core.
I've seen a lot of people my age get married and I've seen a lot of people my age go through divorces. In my opinion, divorce is never the answer unless abuse, cheating or anything like that is involved. If you're considering getting seperated/divorced ask yourself this, "Can I possibly forgive him/her for whatever it is they have done?" If the answer is yes, then divorce should be out of the question. If the answer is no, then STILL it should be given time and thought about from all angles. Think about all the reasons that you married that person in the first place.
Vows mean something. They're not just words, they should become actions throughout your daily lives as a married couple. I guess a lot of people assume being married is all fun and games, all day, everyday, but that just isn't the case. There is so much that goes into it. I have never had to work at loving my husband but I have had to work to build a solid relationship with him built on trust, honesty and loyalty.
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Underestimated
I guess some people might say that I have it easy, since I don't work at a "real job" like my husband, and I stay home most of the time. However, they don't see all the things that happen behind closed doors.
There are a lot of struggles that play a huge part in growing up. Just because I don't make the majority of the income doesn't mean I don't have to worry about it as much as Adam. There are bills to pay; electric, water, gas, cable, internet, car insurance, rent. There's gas for the car, groceries, and usually once it's all said and done, there isn't much left for us to enjoy. Adam wouldn't be able to budget if his life depended on it! But that's life. I don't consider myself better than anyone else whatsoever. But I have learned lessons and been through things that a lot of people my age haven't, and I'm so so glad for that.
Growing up I got what I wanted almost all of the time. I was an only child so I guess you could say that I was spoiled. I think a lot of people take that and assume that things are no different now that I'm married, but they are. I jumped into a huge responsibility at such a young age, and that was marriage. Adam and I have been through so much more than people know or see because I don't let them. I don't normally like to make my life so public like that, but soon I'll post these blogs for everyone to see, and maybe it will help just one person realize that the real world isn't that they think it is. We struggled for three years to keep our heads above water financially and finally we are in a place where we can relax and enjoy life a little and not worry as much. It doesn't happen overnight. Getting comfortable takes time, at least for us it did.
When you get married, you become a team, through thick and thin, good and bad, no matter what. You share pain, you share heartache, you share happiness and everything in between, not because you have to but because you want to. Even through the tough times, I have always considered myself blessed to have such an amazing husband. I couldn't imagine going through life without him beside me. Don't underestimate anyone because everyone is struggling; big or small, they're struggling somehow. Don't assume that what you see is all there is to it. There is always more to the story.
Living Up to Standards
I'm 21 years old and I got married two days after my 18th birthday. My husband and I met in high school in Algebra class. It wasn't really love at first sight, but it didn't take long for him to steal my heart. We only dated for 6 months before he proposed, and obviously, I said yes.
So many people didn't support us, in fact, I could count on one hand the amount of people that took us seriously. People rolled their eyes and laughed when we told them we were engaged. They told us how stupid we were, that it would never last, all in all made fun of us. My mother-in-law was one of the biggest people against us, and though she basically hated me, she ended up letting me move in with her while we continued going to high school. Being engaged was supposed to be exciting; people are supposed to be supportive and happy for you. We never got to experience that, really. After the first couple of weeks, I dropped the subject completely. I wore my ring, but I stopped telling people. I was sick of getting lectured.
A few months went by and in 2008 Adam graduated, and I was told by the principal that my grades were too low to even consider graduating with my class in 09. He suggested that I pursue my GED. At first I wasn't all that upset. I never pursued anything in my life as far as academics, and I never cared. Deep down I wanted to go to college, I just never had the motivation to do well in school. So I let it go. I let everything that I did do in high school go down the drain, and I dropped out. So here I was, 17 years old, an engaged, drop-out. My parents were sure proud! Nevertheless, I had Adam and I knew that was all I wanted and needed.
Later, that winter, we moved into our very first apartment, which was basically a studio and it was remodeled from an old barn. Of course, we didn't care. We were just thrilled to be out on our own and have our own place together. He started working at KB Foods in Greensburg. I, however, put off getting a job. I mean, I was 17, I wanted to live and be young, not work at a job that I knew I would hate. I immediately fell into the "housewife" position. I took up cooking fairly quickly, though I do recall my first meal coming out a bit burnt.
On March 16th, 2009, we woke up one morning and talked about when we were going to get married. We originally had wanted all of our friends and family to come to a wedding, reception, the whole ordeal, but the more we thought about it the more we realized, that those people hadn't supported us thus far, so why would they come to our wedding? Basically, we decided to get married soon, VERY soon, as in the next week. I had gotten my wedding dress a few months before hand, so with that, we decorated the church, invited family only, planned a small reception and on the 21st, I said "I do" to my best friend.
We soon after moved to Rushville into a nicer one bedroom apartment while Adam continued working in Greensburg. Our rent was 450, which was reasonable but Adam didn't make enough money to support us both so I got a job at Denny's as a waitress. I actually enjoyed my job for the most part. I liked most of the people that I worked with, but the pay was shitty. It helped pay the bills, though. I ended up losing my job because of car problems and missing work, so here I was, again, jobless, and putting all the financial pressure on Adam, again.
Living off 9 bucks an hour really hit us hard and us being so young and stupid, we didn't know how to budget or handle money so we had our priorities messed up pretty badly. We spent more money on eating out and shopping and rarely paid our rent or had food in the apartment. Our electric got shut off multiple times and eventually we just realized that we couldn't/wouldn't do it anymore so we moved in with Adam's cousin until we could get back on our feet.
For the next couple of months we lived in the basement of Adam's cousins house. It was not the best situation but it helped us when we needed it. Soon, we found an apartment closer to Adam's job, in Greensburg. We moved in October of 2009. I loved this place. It was cute, homey, and affordable. Our budgeting still wasn't the greatest but it was much easier to figure things out since rent was so much less and Adam didn't waste so much gas going back and forth to work.
I met my best friend a couple weeks after we had moved in. Her name is Casey. Her and her fiance and son moved in right next door and we almost immediately became friends. We would visit each other multiple times a day and talked constantly about anything and everything.
In November we got our first puppy, Pittsburgh, who was a pain in the ass but so cute! Things were great but being young, and once again stupid, we wanted more, constantly wanted bigger and better things. SO! We moved, in May, to a super nice 2 bedroom apartment with a lake-view and at a price we definitely could not afford. There was some good news, though. I did end up getting my GED. I hadn't really planned on it but it was something that I could say I did. Sure, it's just a GED, most of you ready this probably graduated with your class, but I didn't, and getting my GED was the next best thing, at least for me.
We stayed there, though until November of that year when Adam got some bad news from work. He was told that they were laying people off and that he was going to be one of them, so like anyone would do, he found a new job, and once again, you guessed it, we moved, to Columbus, this time.
He worked in Columbus for less than a month before he was laid off from that job, a week before Christmas. We were devastated and our only option was to move back in with Adam's mom, in Metamora. THIS BLEW so bad. His mom is one of the most controlling people you will ever meet. She hated me, and the feeling was more than mutual. Living there was impossible. Nothing we ever did was enough. I would cook for her, cleaned her house, did her laundry, did everything imaginable for this woman, but she never appreciated anything.
In March of 2011, we moved in with some friends in Cincinnati. It was definitely a blast for the most part. Sure, there were the occasional arguments over dirty dishes, cleaning, etc, but we also had a lot of fun. In April, Adam got hired through SMX to work at Amazon.com in Hebron, KY. He was thrilled because he had been waiting for a few weeks to hear from them and finally did! After a while, Adam and I just wanted our own place, again. Living with 3 other people can be overwhelming! While we were looking for a place of our own, we actually lived in a motel. Not super proud of this, but he was working, we were saving money and we were getting by.
It wasn't long though before we couldn't handle it anymore and moved back in with his mom, AGAIN. We move a lot, in case you missed that. ;) Aaaaaand we were there for, eh, a few months over the summer when FINALLY we found a place of our own...in Brookville. No, it's not super close to Hebron. In fact, it's about a 40 minute drive, but he makes it work.
In October of last year he finally got hired on full-time. I was so thrilled and happy for him. We had recently purchased a new chevy cobalt. We loved it, and definitely needed it because our previous car was crap, for sure. We finally had a great car and we were really happy.
Later on that month, though, Adam flipped the car and totaled it. He walked in at 630 in the morning and I thought it was just another normal day and that he was coming in from work but he was covered in mud and dirt, he had scratches and dried up blood on his arms and legs. I was completely terrified. We took him to the hospital and the retarded doctors didn't do bloodwork, x-rays or anything like that, just looked at him and told him to take some tylonol and he went to work the next day.
In December I started working through Elance as a freelance blogger, writing about credit scores (boring!) and also fashion and clothing companies. It doesn't pay a ton but I love it a lot and it helps out so much.
I don't care what people say about teenagers getting married. Sometimes it's right, sometimes it isn't, but isn't that with ANY marriage no matter how old you are? I didn't let anyone tell me I was too young. I didn't give a fuck what they thought. It's not their lives. It's mine, and I love it.
I love being a wife. I love decorating, cooking, baking, and everything that comes with it. I don't do everything up to everyone's standards because the only person that I need to make happy is my husband and myself. We've made a ton of mistakes over the past three years that we've been married, we're going to make a ton more, no doubt, but I'll learn from those just as much have I have learned from my past ones.
So many people didn't support us, in fact, I could count on one hand the amount of people that took us seriously. People rolled their eyes and laughed when we told them we were engaged. They told us how stupid we were, that it would never last, all in all made fun of us. My mother-in-law was one of the biggest people against us, and though she basically hated me, she ended up letting me move in with her while we continued going to high school. Being engaged was supposed to be exciting; people are supposed to be supportive and happy for you. We never got to experience that, really. After the first couple of weeks, I dropped the subject completely. I wore my ring, but I stopped telling people. I was sick of getting lectured.
A few months went by and in 2008 Adam graduated, and I was told by the principal that my grades were too low to even consider graduating with my class in 09. He suggested that I pursue my GED. At first I wasn't all that upset. I never pursued anything in my life as far as academics, and I never cared. Deep down I wanted to go to college, I just never had the motivation to do well in school. So I let it go. I let everything that I did do in high school go down the drain, and I dropped out. So here I was, 17 years old, an engaged, drop-out. My parents were sure proud! Nevertheless, I had Adam and I knew that was all I wanted and needed.
Later, that winter, we moved into our very first apartment, which was basically a studio and it was remodeled from an old barn. Of course, we didn't care. We were just thrilled to be out on our own and have our own place together. He started working at KB Foods in Greensburg. I, however, put off getting a job. I mean, I was 17, I wanted to live and be young, not work at a job that I knew I would hate. I immediately fell into the "housewife" position. I took up cooking fairly quickly, though I do recall my first meal coming out a bit burnt.
On March 16th, 2009, we woke up one morning and talked about when we were going to get married. We originally had wanted all of our friends and family to come to a wedding, reception, the whole ordeal, but the more we thought about it the more we realized, that those people hadn't supported us thus far, so why would they come to our wedding? Basically, we decided to get married soon, VERY soon, as in the next week. I had gotten my wedding dress a few months before hand, so with that, we decorated the church, invited family only, planned a small reception and on the 21st, I said "I do" to my best friend.
We soon after moved to Rushville into a nicer one bedroom apartment while Adam continued working in Greensburg. Our rent was 450, which was reasonable but Adam didn't make enough money to support us both so I got a job at Denny's as a waitress. I actually enjoyed my job for the most part. I liked most of the people that I worked with, but the pay was shitty. It helped pay the bills, though. I ended up losing my job because of car problems and missing work, so here I was, again, jobless, and putting all the financial pressure on Adam, again.
Living off 9 bucks an hour really hit us hard and us being so young and stupid, we didn't know how to budget or handle money so we had our priorities messed up pretty badly. We spent more money on eating out and shopping and rarely paid our rent or had food in the apartment. Our electric got shut off multiple times and eventually we just realized that we couldn't/wouldn't do it anymore so we moved in with Adam's cousin until we could get back on our feet.
For the next couple of months we lived in the basement of Adam's cousins house. It was not the best situation but it helped us when we needed it. Soon, we found an apartment closer to Adam's job, in Greensburg. We moved in October of 2009. I loved this place. It was cute, homey, and affordable. Our budgeting still wasn't the greatest but it was much easier to figure things out since rent was so much less and Adam didn't waste so much gas going back and forth to work.
I met my best friend a couple weeks after we had moved in. Her name is Casey. Her and her fiance and son moved in right next door and we almost immediately became friends. We would visit each other multiple times a day and talked constantly about anything and everything.
In November we got our first puppy, Pittsburgh, who was a pain in the ass but so cute! Things were great but being young, and once again stupid, we wanted more, constantly wanted bigger and better things. SO! We moved, in May, to a super nice 2 bedroom apartment with a lake-view and at a price we definitely could not afford. There was some good news, though. I did end up getting my GED. I hadn't really planned on it but it was something that I could say I did. Sure, it's just a GED, most of you ready this probably graduated with your class, but I didn't, and getting my GED was the next best thing, at least for me.
We stayed there, though until November of that year when Adam got some bad news from work. He was told that they were laying people off and that he was going to be one of them, so like anyone would do, he found a new job, and once again, you guessed it, we moved, to Columbus, this time.
He worked in Columbus for less than a month before he was laid off from that job, a week before Christmas. We were devastated and our only option was to move back in with Adam's mom, in Metamora. THIS BLEW so bad. His mom is one of the most controlling people you will ever meet. She hated me, and the feeling was more than mutual. Living there was impossible. Nothing we ever did was enough. I would cook for her, cleaned her house, did her laundry, did everything imaginable for this woman, but she never appreciated anything.
In March of 2011, we moved in with some friends in Cincinnati. It was definitely a blast for the most part. Sure, there were the occasional arguments over dirty dishes, cleaning, etc, but we also had a lot of fun. In April, Adam got hired through SMX to work at Amazon.com in Hebron, KY. He was thrilled because he had been waiting for a few weeks to hear from them and finally did! After a while, Adam and I just wanted our own place, again. Living with 3 other people can be overwhelming! While we were looking for a place of our own, we actually lived in a motel. Not super proud of this, but he was working, we were saving money and we were getting by.
It wasn't long though before we couldn't handle it anymore and moved back in with his mom, AGAIN. We move a lot, in case you missed that. ;) Aaaaaand we were there for, eh, a few months over the summer when FINALLY we found a place of our own...in Brookville. No, it's not super close to Hebron. In fact, it's about a 40 minute drive, but he makes it work.
In October of last year he finally got hired on full-time. I was so thrilled and happy for him. We had recently purchased a new chevy cobalt. We loved it, and definitely needed it because our previous car was crap, for sure. We finally had a great car and we were really happy.
Later on that month, though, Adam flipped the car and totaled it. He walked in at 630 in the morning and I thought it was just another normal day and that he was coming in from work but he was covered in mud and dirt, he had scratches and dried up blood on his arms and legs. I was completely terrified. We took him to the hospital and the retarded doctors didn't do bloodwork, x-rays or anything like that, just looked at him and told him to take some tylonol and he went to work the next day.
In December I started working through Elance as a freelance blogger, writing about credit scores (boring!) and also fashion and clothing companies. It doesn't pay a ton but I love it a lot and it helps out so much.
I don't care what people say about teenagers getting married. Sometimes it's right, sometimes it isn't, but isn't that with ANY marriage no matter how old you are? I didn't let anyone tell me I was too young. I didn't give a fuck what they thought. It's not their lives. It's mine, and I love it.
I love being a wife. I love decorating, cooking, baking, and everything that comes with it. I don't do everything up to everyone's standards because the only person that I need to make happy is my husband and myself. We've made a ton of mistakes over the past three years that we've been married, we're going to make a ton more, no doubt, but I'll learn from those just as much have I have learned from my past ones.
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