Movin On Up

   All in all, my life isn't too exciting. Most of these blog will be about normal things like money, college, friends, etc. so if that stuff bores you, sorry boutcha, you can stop reading anytime you'd like :)


   A lot of my friends are starting to look for their own places now that they have either graduated college or are just ready to get out on their own. I moved in with Adam when I was 17, we've lived in eight different apartments, and he's been through three different jobs. We made so many mistakes along the way, it's ridiculous. 


   Before you start to think that I'm trying to come off as high and mighty, a know-it-all, I'm not. I'm FAR from finished learning lessons about the real world, but I have learned a great deal in the past 4 years, things that if I could, I might re-do, but nonetheless, I've learned and become a better person for it. 


   When we got our first place, I didn't know anything about anything. Seriously. I was supposed to be a junior in high school but instead I was faced with huge responsibilities. I had no idea that so much effort went into being on your own. I sucked...SUCKED at budgeting, and at the time I didn't really think anything of it. He would get paid every week, we would eat out a lot, spend money on stupid stuff, and before we knew it, "whoops! His check was spent." We didn't save money for rent. We didn't save for groceries, bills, or really anything else. 

   When we got married a few months later, though, we started getting better at managing money and saving what we could. But still, we basically spent the first 3 years that we were together acting stupid and blowing money. We never had a plan. 


   It's mostly just been the last year that I have started to realize it's time to grow up and stop acting immature. You can't have everything you want. You have to sacrifice things in order to pay for other things. If it were up to me I would have sleeves, new furniture, a new car and a crap-ton of other stuff, but it's not going to happen right now, and probably not even in the near future. You'll learn to appreciate the little things that you have, your family, friends, just having a place to call your own is something to be proud of.


   So, my advice to anyone who is about to move out on their own, or anyone who is planning on moving out on their own, you definitely need a plan. You need to save a good chunk of money for a deposit, usually anywhere from $500-$1500. Make sure that you or your spouse makes enough to be able to pay the rent, bills, utilities, gas, groceries, etc. Because if you don't, you'll end up regretting it REAL soon. Trust me.


   I never listened to my parents when they told me how hard it is to manage money, and live on your own. Granted, I don't live by myself, obviously, but I sure as hell should have paid attention to the advice my mom and dad gave me 4 years ago so I could have prevented a lot of the crap we ended up going through. 


   Let's be real, though, no one wants to live with their parents. People either want to go to college, or travel or even settle down and start a family. But sometimes it's necessary. Sometimes I wish I would have given it a couple of years before getting our own place so that I could grow up a little first. But when you do move out, it's awesome, it's not all struggles and worrying about money. It really is fun. Especially when you really love where you live and you can turn it into a home.

“Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.”

   Why is it so hard for people to just accept you for who you are instead of constantly criticizing not only you, but basically everything that you believe in.

   I’ve spent my whole life trying my best to not judge anyone when it comes to their beliefs, and I’m not going to start now. It’d just be nice to get the same in return.

I honestly don’t care what you believe. Whether you’re for or against abortion, gay marriage, whether you’re a Christian, agnostic, or any other religion out there. I don’t think that those things determine 100% who we are as people.

   I think it’s more personal than anything else. But when it comes down to it, a Christian and an atheist can be best friends. Religion, personal beliefs, etc. doesn’t need to be brought into a friendship if you don’t want it to. Friends are people that you can have fun with, that you can confide in when you’re struggling; someone who will be there to laugh with you, cry with you.

   Why does our country divide themselves based solely on religion? We’re all human. We all believe in something differently. If we take a microscope and look at how different we all really are, then everyone would probably hate each other but that's not how it's supposed to be, yet that's the way it seems to be these days.

   I constantly see statuses on facebook about religion, bashing Christianity, bashing beliefs.

And it’s not just that but Christians do it, too. Or at least people claiming to be.

The website godhatesfags.com---I couldn’t believe what I was seeing when I saw that website. It’s sickening to think that these people claim to be Christians, when Christians should be non-judgmental, loving, forgiving. They represent none of that.

   Everyone is free to believe in whatever they want. I’m just sick of people taking that right and using it to belittle other people.

“Promote what you love instead of bashing what you hate.”

It’s as simple as that. You can stand up for what you believe in without being judgmental against people who don’t believe the same things.

Not Cut Out For This

I've never had a ton of close friends, so for the past 5 years I've grown used to doing everything with Adam. I don't usually get invited to go out and do things. Not really sure why, I guess people just assume that since I'm married, I don't want to go out and have fun, which obviously isn't the case.


I've been to a total of maybe 3 parties in my whole life and I'm fine with that but at the same time, in the past 6 months, I've only gone out with friends a few times. So sometimes I think maybe I'm not cut out for this; maybe I'm just better off accepting that the fact that I only have a few friends isn't going to change.


Getting to the point, though, I'm just like anyone else. I like to have fun. Maybe my idea of fun isn't the same as everyone else's and maybe I just need to find some friends who enjoy doing the same stuff that I do and who aren't going to hesitate before inviting me to hang out with them. Like anyone else, I want to be included in my friends life, not when its just convenient for them. I want to be acknowledged which I'm pretty sure is all anyone has ever wanted.

Mother's Day

   With it being Mother's Day and all, obviously today most people are thinking of that special person in their life; mom!

My mom is one of the strongest people that I have ever met. She did an amazing job raising me, despite my stubbornness as a teenager, and has always been there for me through all the struggles life as thrown at me.

   She's been there to give me advice and listen to all my problems. She's talked to me about anything and everything and has the best sense of humor in the world and can always make me laugh. We don't always get along but she always forgives me for being cranky and sometimes even downright mean. 

   I will always be proud to call her my mom, and I hope that someday I can be as good of a mother to my children as my mom was and is to me!

Goals

When Adam and I got our own place when I was only 17, I made a choice then to not work. I chose to stay home and be the best fiance that I could. And when we got married in 2009, I chose to continue staying home and be the best wife that I could. I have heard hundreds of times that I am lazy, married Adam so I wouldn't have to work, I'm just using him. Please. If I was going to marry someone for money, it wouldn't be someone who makes 12 bucks an hour at Amazon. haha 


We don't have kids. I'm not a super busy person running around like a chicken with my head cut off. I don't struggle to keep my house clean, or keep up with things around the house but I do my part in my marriage and I make my husband proud, just as he makes me proud. I cook, I clean, and take care of the finances. This has always been, not only my choice, but Adam's, as well.


In October of last year, I got a job on Elance. I didn't love it but I didn't hate it, either. It only paid 290 a week and I worked my ass off, writing 10 blogs a day, each 600 words, each, on credit repair. Yes, credit repair. 70 blogs a week on just one subject is tough but I managed to do it and finally my boss gave me a much easier topic to work with and a much easier schedule; fashion and I only have to write 20 blogs a week but the pay is a lot less at only $70-$90 a week. I definitely find this a lot easier to balance.


Obviously I don't plan to go my whole life not working at a "real" job. The main reason I never started working in the first place was because I didn't want work to consume my life, especially if I'm not doing something that I truly love. SO! I decided to go back to school for Interior Design. It's something that I have been interested in for the past 6 years and I am sooo ready to pursue it and give it my all. And I'm so proud of Adam for recently deciding to go back to school for audio engineering. 


In five years, I plan to hopefully be graduated and working as an Interior Designer. I hope to have a kid by then and be settled down wherever life takes us. I also hope that by then I can look back on all the struggles and be proud of how far we have come. 


So don't judge me if you don't know the whole situation. I have goals just like anyone else. I'm not planning on living out my days and becoming a crazy cat lady XD. I love my husband very much and would never make any choices that he wasn't happy with. It's our marriage, our life and as long as we're happy with it, everyone else can say what they want :)

Too Blessed to Be Stressed

A lot of times I find myself worrying about anything and everything. I often have to remind myself how blessed I truly am. My life is so far from perfect. There is a lot of things that I am looking forward too that I wish would come sooner but I'm learning to be patient. 


I think if we all stopped and looked around at everything we have, we wouldn't complain so much over stupid crap. I love the quote, "Somewhere, there is someone who is happier with less than what you have." You can always have more, always. But if you don't appreciate the bigger things in life like your spouse, family and friends, then you will never truly find happiness. It's sad to think, though, that to some those are the small things and that too many people thrive on money and material objects. 


Be grateful for the little things; having a place to live, whether it's a place of your own, with your parents or even on a friend's couch. Be glad you have food to eat and clean water to drink, and clothes on your back. Those things alone are necessities that too many people go without in the world.


Adam and I lived in a motel for two months last summer. Definitely not something we planned but nonetheless we were grateful to have a bed to sleep in every night and we got through it and made it work for the time being. It's something I try to remember when I find myself being ungrateful for what I have. 

We Live by Faith, Not by Sight.

Religion...It's something a lot of people don't like to talk about. Why? Probably because they're afraid they will be judged, made fun of, or like me, they just don't want to cause conflict. Religion is a big deal to me and I'm ashamed to say that I don't talk about it much. Before you continue reading, remember this; I have many friends who believe something much different than myself or perhaps just don't believe in anything at all. I never have and never will judge anyone for what they believe because I think that's a huge reason why people are so turned off by Christianity. They continue to get judged and ridiculed for simply believing in something else, and that's not right at all. 


As I had mentioned in a previous post, my dad is a preacher and has been since before I was born. I won't get into a lot of how my childhood was because it involves people that probably don't want to be mentioned. However, I will tell you this. It was far from enjoyable. I went through a lot as a child and a lot that I will carry with me throughout life.


I had a jaded perception of what Christianity was truly about. I was always under the assumption that in order to have a relationship with God, you had to go to church every week, you couldn't sin, you couldn't have fun, and you couldn't do anything that didn't have to do with God.


So many people that I know also have this same assumption, perhaps, or one similar to it. They don't want to hear about God, or religion, or praying or going to church. But, if you'll take the time to read this...this blog post that no one is forcing you to read, maybe you will see the bigger picture. I have said many many times that I don't shove my beliefs onto anyone. But I will share my beliefs to anyone willing to listen. 


Being a Christian isn't about being perfect. Jesus died on the cross for our sins, not perfection. It is expected of us to sin and to make mistakes. The difference is, we're forgiven for those sins once we chose to let that happen and by letting that happen I mean having a relationship with God. God created you. "For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb." Psalm 139:13 That's pretty amazing, if you ask me. To know that you were destined to be. 


Being a Christian is all about having a close relationship with your creator. It has nothing to do with being perfect. It has nothing to do with going to church every week. It has nothing to do with anything but being loved. It's that simple, but that's also what makes it so complicating, too. There are questions that go along with that, that sometimes can't be answered. But that's where faith comes in. "We live by faith, not by sight." 2 Corinthians 5:7 Sometimes faith is all we have, and for me, it's all that I need. 


I guess having a relationship with God isn't something that can be explained. If it were, than everyone would believe, right? It's something that can't be physically felt, heard or seen. But it's what I believe. 

Instant Gratification

We all want something, whether it's a new car, a new house, or something deeper like a relationship or a family, even.
I have learned the hard way, that you can't get what you want, when you want it all the time. When we got married in 2009, I knew things wouldn't be easy but I never dreamed they would be this tough and that we would have so many struggles in such a small amount of time.


We wanted what we wanted and we wanted it instantly. We have moved a lot in the past 3 years, mostly because we were forced to since we got ourselves into more than we could handle, like rent that we couldn't afford. I pray that my friends who are newly married or about to move out on their own don't make that same mistake. It's easy to see other's mistakes when you are sitting on the bench, but once you're in the game, you'll realize it's a lot harder than you had originally thought, at least that was the case for us.


In November of 2009 Adam and I started trying for a baby. I was only 18 and he was only 20, but it was (and is) what we wanted. We tried for a year until finally in November of 2010, almost exactly a year later, I felt sick one morning so I took a pregnancy test and it was very faintly pink. I didn't think much of it, just assumed I was seeing things, so the next morning we bought a digital test, and I remember I was so freaked out, I didn't want to look at it, so Adam did and sure enough it said "pregnant." I was more thrilled and excited than I had even been in my life. I couldn't really let myself believe it so I bought 6 more tests, just to make sure ( all of which were positive) I called my dr., set up an appointment and started taking my prenatal vitamins. 


This was on a Sunday. That Thursday was Thanksgiving and Adam and I, along with my mom and step-dad were going to my aunt and uncles in Oklahoma for the holidays. I was so happy. I had waited a whole year for this and I could celebrate it on Thanksgiving. 


On Thanksgiving morning I noticed that I was bleeding (Sorry TMI!) It wasn't bad so I brushed it off, but once we got on the road and were about to St. Louis I started cramping pretty badly and bleeding even more now, like a period. I stopped and got all the necessities and we were on our way again. I tried to tell myself that it was ok, that I was pregnant, I had 8 tests to confirm it, 4 of which were digital. But as the day progressed, nothing changed. I couldn't tell Adam what was happening, he seemed more excited than I did about all of this. I didn't want to crush him like it was crushing me. That night we ate dinner, I played "happy" and Adam and I went to bed. I told him I didn't think I was pregnant, and I told him that I didn't want us to get upset. I didn't want it to be made into a huge ordeal. So we left it at that, the next day I bought a pregnancy test and it was negative. 


I didn't allow myself to feel sad or angry or upset. I honestly had no clue what had happened, and I just assumed that all those pregnancy tests were false positives. Surprisingly, I did have a good week. Like I said, I didn't let myself get upset because I knew if I did, it would be ugly. 


When I got back home I called my dr. and soon found out that I most likely had what's called a chemical pregnancy.

"A chemical pregnancy is a clinical term used for a very early miscarriage In many cases, the positive pregnancy test was achieved before the woman's period was due but a miscarriage occurred before a heartbeat was able to be seen on an ultrasound."

Most people would say that I was never really pregnant physically, but I was definitely mentally and emotionally. 

I was upset that this had happened but I also realized I had so many other things to be thankful for that Thanksgiving. Little things, like having a place to live, food to eat and a wonderful husband to love me. 


Obviously it's been almost another two years now and still no baby. But I learned that day that things don't happen like you plan. I'm only 21 years old. An age where most people are still in college and getting there life together and an age where most people haven't yet settled down and gotten married. 


I'm in no rush, anymore. I know that God will allow it to happen when it's meant to happen.